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  • Writer's pictureRobert Taylor, Jr.

Pain (The Teacher)

Unwanted but necessary! The one feeling we are all going to experience weather we like it or not. Pain, the one feeling that will have us making choices of doing what's right or giving in to what's wrong. From the time of birth we are all learning life lesson's as we get older. We were told to never touch the stove because it's hot, nevertheless our curiosity get's the best of us and we touch the stove. Touching that stove brought a bout a hot painful experience that we never want to experience again, so now we know to never touch a hot stove again. The voices from our parents wasn't the teacher, it was the painful experience that taught us the lesson. Life goes on!

As we mature into adulthood we come to experience life lessons of all kinds. We take the good with the bad and we insert certain things into our mental rolodex so if familiar experiences occur we can reflect back, understand what happened last time and make the right decisions that will lead us onto the right path. Love. Love is something we all crave as we navigate through the ever changing cycle of life. We want someone to love us for who we are and not for what we have or represent. We develop a certain look in our minds for the opposite sex that we want in our lives. we don't consider some of the other characteristic's that these people have. As long as they fit the physical description in our heads he or she is a winner. We allow these people in our space and before long we realize that these physically attractive people are flawed and are not what we desired in a mate. They begin to show us their true negative colors. They become abusive physically, mentally and spiritually. They are non supportive and eventually they have injected us with so much pain it's hard to bare. The results vary from person to person on how to handle such pain. Some promise to never let themselves love again, some understand that one bad apple doesn't represent the whole batch and some understand that now is the time to look for more than just model looks and oh yeah great sex! A one sided relationship is hard to maintain because their is only one person doing all of the work. It's not fair to you, but here we are hurt, embarrassed, alone, disappointed and confused.

The thing is a lot of us have not been shown love so we create what love is, listen to other's explain what love is to them and how our bodies feel when the person we like is around or copy false examples of what love seems to be. Love has no heart as it invites you in with open arms and then allows you to feel some of the most hurtful feelings. So here we are with this pain. What do we do with it? Pain makes us grow up. Pain makes us evaluate the circumstances and makes us think. Pain changes our decision making. Pain doesn't allow us to just jump in, we now think about the what if's and the negative and positive possibilities of these new relationship ventures. Pain allows us to sit back and watch, ask questions, spend quality time to asset the person and look for red flags. Pain wants us to see who they hang around, how they act around different people and most importantly how they treat us. I heard people say I will never get married, love again or let myself be vulnerable again because of what pain did to them. For some pain is just too much to bare and instead of trying again they will just give up on love altogether. Other's will continue to seek love, but will do their due diligence when it comes to letting others in their space.

Is pain a necessity in life. I would say yes because it is one of those things we can't avoid. Pain comes in many different variations. It could be the loss of a loved one, heartbreak from a relationship, the loss of a job, a sickness or betrayal from a friend etc. The positive outcome from pain is that it teaches us life lessons and we become wiser in our decision making. I would say pain is a tool in life that shows us things we otherwise would not think about, it makes us smarter adults, some of us! Pain makes us look deeper into ourselves and it exposes our inter toughness. It makes us stronger as individuals and as couples, friends and family. We don't invite pain into our lives, but we know that it is coming in one form or another. The way we deal with it is how we grow and become our best selves or our worst. Pain brings some people closer to God and brings others to question God's motives. Whatever it does to you there is some growth to be had, some lessons to be learned and some happiness to be had because through pain you changed and you have now allowed yourself to see your full self as a whole.

I could say pain is your fertilizer, through the trauma pain brings there is a blossoming plant making it's way up out of the debris! Pain is not a good feeling to be had, but it is one that will allow you to make better decisions and through those decisions allow you to spread your wings and become great! RELATIONSHIPS! Keep it Positive! WSY?

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